Posts

How to get a job

Go out and get it! But know that no one owes you anything. It’s your responsibility to learn and figure out how to get a job. Here are the top tips I offer young adults who ask my advice. Expect the process to take time. Résumé and cover letter. Get them looking spiff. Go to the career counseling center at any community college for help. If you pay taxes in that county, they’re required to help you—and it’s free. Or hire a superior résumé and cover letter writer. Kelly Massey is an option. No complaining about the cost. It’s worth it. Hire an interview coach. This is my top tip. Hiring an interview coach doesn’t guarantee you’ll get a job, but it does increase your chances and ensures you won’t make major errors in job interviews. Many people waste so much time applying for numerous jobs, only get a few interviews, and then don’t get any job offers. It’s because they have blind spots and don’t realize how they come across in a job interview. Don’t think you’re above needing this type...
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Depression

Note: this is not medical advice…just some things to consider. Depression can, oddly enough, sometimes be considered a friend. So ask it: “Why have you come to me now? What are you trying to tell me? What healthy thing/s can I do to invite you to leave?” Is someone hurting you physically, verbally, or emotionally? Do you need to remove yourself from a certain environment? Do you feel dread because there is an unhealthy culture at home or at work? Are you doing something that you think you “should” be doing or that society, your family, or a religion says is prestigious, but your spirit is crying out for something different? Do you feel you aren't free to live your life? Is someone or some group trying to limit you? Do you feel you are responsible for other people's fears (they're just manipulating you with tactics—learn to see those tactics for what they are: anger, rejection, etc.)? Do you need to process past pain or loss? Alone, with a friend, process group, or therapist...
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Addiction

“ Addiction is a substance or behavior that interferes with life and relationships and creates a dependency on itself.” —John Townsend Possible addictions Alcohol Approval from others Attention Cell phone/internet/technology Drugs Exercise Food/junk food Gambling/lottery Gossip Health practices (extreme) Investing/stock market/day-trading Lust/sex/pornography Lying Ministry/volunteering/helping News/reading/fantasy novels Pain/cutting Shopping Social media Theology/philosophy (obsessing) Video games Videos/TV/movies Work/achievement/creativity   Addiction is often an unhealthy soothing mechanism to cover pain. So seek to learn what that underlying pain is and how it can be remedied in a healthy way. Therapy can help. The time to seek help is now. Don’t let this get out of hand and experience heartache and regret because of lost time, relationships, health, and money. Seek help if you even suspect you might have an issue with som...
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Abuse

Are you in an abusive situation, work environment, or relationship? Abuse can happen in many forms: Verbal abuse/putting down on you/shouting/name-calling Emotional abuse/coercion/belittling/lying/threats Gaslighting/trying to make you think you’re the problem/blaming you Bullying Abandonment/neglect at crucial times Letting things slide/not addressing poor behavior Excuses/denying or minimizing the problem Not backing you up as promised/repeated broken promises Stalking Physical abuse, such as hitting, slapping, grabbing/squeezing, or kicking Sexual harassment/sexually abusive or pushy Spiritual abuse/religiously manipulative/taking God’s name in vain for directives  Narcissism abuse—constant criticism, projecting, gaslighting, coercion, humiliation Abuse can come from anyone: Employer/boss/supervisor Colleague  Church member/elder/pastor Family member Friend/acquaintance/community member Spouse or dating partner Write it down. Write down the things the abuser is saying or d...
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Grief

“ We grieve the loss of something because it was important. The tears are worth it.” “Grief is pain that takes away other pain.” “Grief is your friend, and it will help you succeed at higher levels.” —John Townsend Grief needs to be processed so we can again live a full, rich life. People who don’t process pain may experience reduced performance in various areas of their life. The Tlingit tribe in Alaska has what they call the “Cry Song.” It takes away grief. But you have to sing the Cry Song. And you have to cry. And only then will grief go away. Other cultures have similar rituals. Processing grief might take a few minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years. Allow yourself time to process what was important to you. Seek therapy if needed. Things to mourn: Loss of a person, relationship, money, health, job, or community. Also, rejection, abandonment, mistreatment, didn’t get a nurturing childhood, limits, a failure (even if it pointed you in a better direction), poor decision in th...
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Increasing Connection

Some people struggle with connecting, and that’s okay. Everyone has their strengths… and quirks. Author Bob Goff says the way to achieve your goals is to help others achieve theirs. So if you want other people to connect with you, try some of these things to connect with them. Learn attunement. First get good at recognizing your own emotions. A feelings chart can help. You can choose one or a dozen emotions you might be feeling right now or in certain situations. Even if those feelings conflict, they’re all valid and true. Then you can attune with others. At first, it might feel like an arbitrary way of talking to someone. But the fact that you’re doing it and with such care means it is real—and it will feel very real and gratifying to the other person. (Contact me for a workshop on how to do this through anseloliver.com ) Sometimes people talk a lot because they’re wanting connection. But if it’s just informational content without emotions, it’s empty. Kinda like eating several boxes...
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