Grief
“We grieve the loss of something because it was important. The tears are worth it.”
“Grief is pain that takes away other pain.”
“Grief is your friend, and it will help you succeed at higher levels.”
—John Townsend
Grief needs to be processed so we can again live a full, rich life. People who don’t process pain may experience reduced performance in various areas of their life.
The Tlingit tribe in Alaska has what they call the “Cry Song.” It takes away grief. But you have to sing the Cry Song. And you have to cry. And only then will grief go away. Other cultures have similar rituals.
Processing grief might take a few minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years. Allow yourself time to process what was important to you. Seek therapy if needed.
Things to mourn: Loss of a person, relationship, money, health, job, or community. Also, rejection, abandonment, mistreatment, didn’t get a nurturing childhood, limits, a failure (even if it pointed you in a better direction), poor decision in the past, challenging situation, sin, or an ongoing societal problem.
Here are some things you can do:
Cry. In a private setting, or with someone you trust, sing sad songs or listen to some sad songs. Here are a few suggestions: “Wolves” by Garth Brooks; “Tears in heaven” by Eric Clapton; “Your long journey” by Allison Krause & Robert Plant; “Not dark yet” by Bob Dylan; “Will the circle be unbroken”; “Scars in heaven” by Casting Crowns; “Soft tones” by Florian Philipp Mueller; “A whiter shade of pale” by Martin Talstrom; "Abraham's Theme" by Vangelis. Then, after many hours or days, try “For better times” by Oakwood Station, "Girl with the cat" by Tomer Baruch; and “Let it be” by the Beatles.
Process group. Share what happened with people who know how to attune. Not people who are going to bombard you with questions or useless advice.
Sit Shiva. This Jewish tradition is mourning for an uninterrupted week (or appropriate time) over the loss of someone close to you. Sit on a low stool for much of the week and lean into your grief. Make the first three days a time of intense grief. Go online to learn more about Sitting Shiva, its origins, and its practices.
Hold a ceremony. It could be a full ceremony with many people at a place of public worship or in a home for a person who has died. Or it could be as simple as a 3-minute funeral for a pet goldfish with one friend.
Learn more about grief and grieving rituals through books and online resources.
Teach others about grieving rituals and their importance. Then more people in your community will be able to help others process grief and mourn the loss of people and important things.
“They say time heals all wounds. That’s [not true]. Time allows you to accept that which cannot be changed.” —Frankie Banali
“[There is] a time to mourn.” — King Solomon
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” —Jesus
Honor the person or thing that was lost by deeply mourning over them for an appropriate period of time. Then move forward and live a rich life—that’s what they would want for you!
For more information, please contact me at anseloliver.com.